The Surprising Thing That Actually Fills You Up
by Brian Rutherford
I’m an Ohio State Buckeyes football fan. For most games, I don’t sit. I stand. I’m usually pretty low-key, but during those three hours, something shifts. I’m yelling. I’m clapping. I’m pacing the room. My wife would say I become a different person entirely.
Ohio State’s biggest rival is Michigan. Most Buckeye fans have that date circled on the calendar months in advance. Some have a countdown clock running.
A few years ago, a staff member left our team to help relaunch a church in the Syracuse area. He asked if we’d send a team out to help work on their facility. I enjoy that kind of hands-on work, so I signed up. Then I looked at the calendar.
It was the same day as the OSU-Michigan game.
This was in the days before smartphones, so I was disappointed. But I went. My friend graciously put the game on in the building so I could hear it in the background while I insulated a new classroom.
Here’s what I know now, years later: I remember almost nothing about the game. I remember everything about that day of service.
We are terrible at predicting what will actually make us happy.
Researcher Martin Seligman has spent his career studying human fulfillment, and one of the clearest findings is that we consistently misjudge what brings us lasting satisfaction. We think the game, the vacation, the evening off will recharge us.
We chase the thing that flows toward us. More comfort. More ease.
In our last post, we talked about the reality that church leaders are running low. Energy depleted. Reserves thin.
The question we asked was: what actually refuels you?
Here’s the answer most of us keep resisting: serving others does.
I took two trips in January 2003. One was to the Fiesta Bowl to watch Ohio State. The other was to Juarez, Mexico to help build a house. Both were meaningful. One of them changed something in me.
The life that feels most full is the one most poured out.
Jesus made this case plainly. His disciples were angling for seats of honor in his coming kingdom. He didn’t shame them for it. He just redirected them. Whoever wants to be great, he said, must become a servant. Not as a strategy. As a way of life.
When we orient our lives around what flows toward us, we will always be disappointed. There is no finish line where you’ve finally received enough. But when you pour energy outward, something unexpected happens on the inside.
So who do you serve?
James, the half-brother of Jesus, wrote one of the most direct sentences in the New Testament: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”
Serve someone who cannot serve you back. That’s the target.
Here is one thing I have learned as a church leader specifically: go somewhere you are not in charge.
Serve at a local shelter. Volunteer with a food pantry. Show up at a community cleanup or a crisis pregnancy center or a tutoring program in your city. Go somewhere nobody knows your title and nobody is looking to you for direction.
When we serve inside our own churches, our motivations get complicated fast. We’re aware of who is watching. We’re thinking about the team dynamic or the budget or what this says about our leadership. That’s not a character flaw. It’s just the reality of leading an organization. But it means the serving rarely lands the same way.
When you walk into a room where you are simply another set of hands, something shifts. The noise quiets. You stop performing and start participating. That’s when serving actually does its work on you.
Fair warning: When the moment comes to just serve, something inside will push back. You don’t have the time. You don’t have the money. You’ll be more fulfilled if you focus on yourself first.
That voice is lying.
The church leader who figures out how to build a serving life, not just a serving schedule, will find a source of energy that doesn’t show up on any calendar. It’s not a program. It’s a posture.
And it turns out, it’s the most life-giving thing you can do.
One of the best things about working with Intentional Churches is that we get to gather with leaders in person every year. The IC Conference is May 5 and 6 at Northside Christian Church in New Albany, Indiana. If that sounds like your kind of room, we hope to see you there. Learn more at intentionalchurchesconference.com.