The Empty Lanes: We Were Never Meant to Lead Alone
by Brian Rutherford
Albany, NY, at one point supposedly had the most bowling lanes per capita in the United States. I tried to verify that claim, but I couldn’t find a reliable source.
What I did find is telling: many older buildings—churches, Elk’s clubs, and community halls—still have unused bowling alleys tucked into their basements, remnants of a time when the sport thrived here.
In 1965, the city supported 750 bowling leagues.
Today, there isn’t a single public bowling alley within Albany’s city limits. And that disappearance points to a much larger issue.
According to Robert D. Putnam in Bowling Alone (2000), the decline of these communal activities like bowling is deeply consequential. Living in isolation erodes trust, weakens civic bonds, and undermines well-being.
This is some interesting research — until you realize how directly it impacts you as a pastor.
While you spend your days nurturing the spiritual and emotional lives of others, you may quietly face a modern "bowling alone" reality.
Lifeway Research finds that pastors are significantly more likely than the general population to feel isolated.
Barna Group reports that 65% of pastors experience loneliness sometimes or frequently.
Studies from the Hartford Institute for Religion Research and global clergy well-being surveys confirm that pastors' isolation is linked to burnout, anxiety, and decreased emotional and spiritual health.
Having served as a local church pastor for many years, I know the excuses we tell ourselves:
"If people really knew my struggles and doubts, they would leave the church."
Yes, some people might struggle with your humanity. But hiding your struggles guarantees isolation—while honesty creates the possibility of genuine connection.
Every single one of our Biblical heroes (aside from Jesus) were flawed humans. God still used them. God does not call us to be perfect.
Say this out loud: "I am loved by God as I am. I do not need to perform or be perfect." (You may need to repeat this daily for months before you really believe it.)
"No one really understands all the pressures I feel."
It can feel that way, but this statement would also be true of Jesus. No one truly understood his mission or his pressure. Yet, Jesus found comfort in companionship. When things got the most intense, he routinely leaned into Peter, James, and John.
True companionship doesn't require perfection or complete understanding—it requires honesty and presence.
"I feel bad for feeling this way. After all, Jesus said he would never leave me or forsake me."
Yes, Jesus promised He would never leave you. But the letters of the New Testament are filled with one-another commands.
It's an American lie to think you can lead alone with Jesus. This is your ego, not Scripture.
Here's what I want you to hear: If you're feeling lonely, take one next step today.
Call a counselor.
Arrange to have breakfast with another pastor or church leader.
You don't have to tell them everything the first time you meet. Baby steps toward health are still progress. You know this, because you routinely encourage others to take the next step. So follow your own advice.
The bowling lanes might be gone from Albany's basements, but the truth remains: we were never meant to play (or lead) alone.
So pick up the phone or shoot that text. You'll be glad you did.